


A Bards Regret

by TwinVax



Series: Critrole Stories [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Scanlan feels, Scanlan feels responsible, inner thoughts, some things are mentioned, spoilers for episode 68
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:06:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8129836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwinVax/pseuds/TwinVax
Summary: Scanlan thinks about some things he has said after the battle with Ripley.Spoilers for Episode 68.





	

He had told Vax things were better, weeks ago, that fighting a dragon and being eaten were better then two years before when he hadn't known any of these people he cared about and called friends. He still had no idea why he would sing lyrics about seeing critters in the woods when there weren't any, but that was ok, everything was ok.

He guessed he had a shit sense of what better meant, in hindsight, if _dragons_ were a better situation then his mother dying and finding a kid with white hair in a jail cell. None of those were particularly good, at all, but finding the kid should have been better then dragons taking down cities.

Scanlan had still meant it though, he had meant what he said to Vax, now that he had time to really think on that, he really meant it. Now that he, they, all of Vox Machina, had killed the person that had hurt one of the people the gnome cared about, he had time to think it over.

He wasn't so sure if he believed it was better anymore.

He couldn't accept that Percy was dead, that would make it real. It would be real and it would be his fault because Ripley had managed to shoot him, and if Scanlan hadn't fucked up and thrown the _damn magical all powerful_ _fuck off dragon_ weapon correctly she probably wouldn't have been able too.

The duet had probably been at fault too, but he couldn't say that he wasn't impressed with Vex's weird choices in lyrics.

He was the oldest one in the group, and they were the only family he had left besides Keylie. He was old and he had seen shit and done a lot of stupid things, and if he was being honest, he's sure he has more then one kid out in the world at this point. He knows he wasn't that lucky not to leave people with the consequences of his mistakes.

Of course, this consequence happened to kill the youngest of the screwed up little family he had found. It was his fault because he had helped encourage Percy to face the woman he feared more then a vampire who had murdered his entire family. A woman who had his inventions and his demon and the same cunning but used them in a way that made her more fearsome then a vampire in the eyes of Percy.

Scanlan was a shit father all around, even to kids who weren't even his, apparently. Go figure.

Two people he cared about were gone now, and this was somehow worse then finding Tiberius. With Tiberius, he didn't have to watch him die, knowing it was his fault that he hadn't hit his mark. Tiberius was already dead, they hadn't been there to fight with him and they couldn't do anything about it. With Percy, they had chances to get him back.

All those chances involved the soul being willing to come back, and that's what worried him. Would Percy be willing to come back, Percival I'll-let-people-hate-me-because-I-deserve-it de Rolo, believe he had a reason, multiple reasons, to come back? He hadn't even gotten to see Ripley die, his family crest engraved on her face as everyone attacked her at once. The last thing he saw was Ripley destroy him with the shadow demon Scanlan had forced out of a gun when he threw it into acid.

Scanlan wondered if Ripley would even have Orthax if it wasn't for him destroying the gun while Percy was frozen.

Fuck.

Someone should have stayed close to him. They should have _known_ she would target him after what he did, why hadn't they figured to cover him so he wouldn't get as hurt as he was?

Percy killed Ripley, that's what Scanlan told her before she died. Scanlan believed that was true, Percy killed the woman he feared when all his friends struck her down. It didn't matter if it wasn't by his own hand. He killed her when he decided to forgive her, and he killed her when everyone else trapped her when he fell.

Percy was dead, but he had to believe that Pike, wonderful, beautiful Pike, could save him a second time like the necklace had done, or that Keyleth could reincarnate him somehow. He didn't want to lose any more family, he didn't care if he came back as a human or any other species.

Hells, he could come back as a fucking Goblin and Scanlan would, probably, not murder him all over again. Gods he hoped that didn't happen.

He just needed Percy to be willing, he needed Percy to want to live.

After all, Life needs things to live. Life needed Percy to live.

**Author's Note:**

> Short story, but it works.


End file.
